CHRISTIANNEWS.COM. – In our consumer society, where the prevailing wisdom says we should be loyal to products or brands only to the extent that our needs and tastes are met, it can be easy for parishioners to have a very low threshold for leaving a church.
The slightest mismatch of preferences or the least amount of discomfort can lead a parishioner to become a church buyer, scouring the “market” for the elusive perfect church.
But the truth is that there are no perfect churches. Every church will occasionally make us uncomfortable. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
We often leave churches too quickly, for the wrong reasons. When the discomfort level rises and things get too difficult, we give up.
Sure, there are valid and important reasons why we should leave a church (heretical teaching, corrupt leaders, etc.), but there are also bad reasons.
What are some of the common but ultimately bad reasons why we might be tempted to leave our current church? Here are seven:
1. Other parishioners annoy you
One of the most countercultural and challenging aspects of the Christian church is that it brings together people from widely diverse backgrounds.
This is what the gospel does! This means that you are most likely worshiping alongside people you would normally never choose to interact with. And this can be uncomfortable and annoying.
But don’t let this lead you to go off and find a church full of people like you. To do so is to undermine the very power of the gospel to equalize and unify across natural dividing lines (see Galatians 3).
2. Your “cause” is not sufficiently defended
Many people leave churches when they present an idea or embark on a crusade to launch a program, but it goes nowhere. Perhaps the church leadership says no, or perhaps there is little interest in the congregation to support your cause.
It’s okay. Don’t leave and find another church that can work with your idea. Instead, why not stick around and see what existing program already has momentum in the church, and support that?
3. Worship is not your preferred style.
Whether it’s the music being too loud or too soft, the preaching too topical or too expository, or a host of other taste-list mismatches, frustration with worship is a big reason people leave churches.
But it does not have to be like that. The truth is that worshiping outside of one’s comfort zone and style preference can be healthy, cultivate humility, and make worship more about God than our own consumer desires.
4. An open fashion church
I see it over and over again in Southern California. People go to a church and are “all in” for a short time, maybe a year or two. But then the emotion wears off. They are bored.
A well-branded new church with a cool podcast and famous worship leader launches nearby, and the bored person quietly leaves to try the new flavor in town.
Why is it a bad idea? Because the cycle will continue to infinity.
The fashionable church of today will always become the boring church of tomorrow.
5. Your favorite pastor left
This is a common motivator for them to leave the church. The cult of personality is strong in the American church. Celebrity pastors with “platforms” and book deals draw huge crowds to their churches. And when they leave, the crowds often follow.
But fixating your church experience in the presence of a pastor, no matter how dynamic they are, is not healthy. A church is more than its pastor(s).
6. Your heart is no longer in it
I often hear of people who have walked away from a church. It feels mandatory, legalistic, and inauthentic to go to church. So they stop going. But how “authentic” these emotions are is a bad reason to leave a church.
Why? Because every relationship and commitment in life has seasons when one’s heart is not “in it” like it was in the beginning. But that’s normal. And it’s no reason to give up.
7. You don’t get much out of Sunday services.
It has become normal to talk about a church service in terms of “what I got out of it.” For example, we ask ourselves after going to church: “What did you get out of the sermon?” But this position is simply consumerism applied to the church.
It positions the church in terms of what we can get out of it, and therefore when it stops providing clear “take-aways” or added value to our lives, we justify leaving. But church should not be about what we get out of it, but about what we give. how we serve, how we build the body.
Brett McCracken is the author of Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community (Crossway, 2017) and Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide (Baker Books, 2010). He lives with his wife in southern California, where he serves as an elder at Southlands Church.
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